February 25, 2015

some thoughts on pursuing pregnancy after adopting

Posted in adoption, Atticus Garrett, family, God, life, money tagged , , , at 11:40 pm by alison

It’s funny how certain sights or smells can take you back immediately to another time and place, often the home of a poignant experience.

About a week ago I submitted our 2014 taxes, and being the detail-oriented person that I am, I then plugged our info into the IRS2GO app on my phone so that I could track our refund – and I was immediately taken back to this time last year, when I was tracking our 2013 refund, which we’d use to get our emergency savings account back up to a minimally acceptable level (we’d depleted it in its entirety to pay for the last of our adoption costs). And knowing we’d be back to a more stable place financially, we were talking and praying about potentially trying to get pregnant.

It felt like a strange place to be. After we began pursuing adopting from China, and as we learned more and more about the children around the world waiting for families, I began to think that perhaps we were done having biological children and would adopt all of our children from there on out. It seemed to me, in my black and white manner of viewing the world, that we were going to have a certain capacity, whether it was 4 kids or 5 kids or 6 kids, and any of those spots that we filled with a biological child was a spot that we couldn’t fill by adopting a child who needed a family.

But that perspective began to shift last winter. We knew we wanted to adopt again, but we also knew that we weren’t ready to do so yet. For one thing, we didn’t have the money even to start the process. More importantly, though, we didn’t feel like adding another toddler to our two toddlers at home would be a good dynamic for our family.

We were talking and praying and reading a lot about marriage, though. In that, I think I saw anew the beauty of procreation, of seeking God and of coming together to create new life. And I began to wonder if maybe that was actually what God had for us next.

I realized – for about the millionth time – that God’s ways are not my ways. He doesn’t work like I do, and I don’t always understand what He’s doing. It felt like He was saying, “yes, but not yet,” to adoption but was at the same time drawing us toward the possibility of having another baby biologically.

Honestly, I felt somewhat confused. I wasn’t sure if He really was – or even could be – leading us in that direction, and if He was, why. We talked about the idea of having another baby with some of our friends, and I brought it up with some of the other China adoption moms I’ve grown to know and trust, women who are also passionate about adoption and orphan care. Were we crazy? Should we avoid trying to have another biological baby in case doing so could limit our ability to adopt more children? But instead of a resounding, “yes,” to either of those questions, what we got were reminders that all children are a blessing from God, that all life is from Him, that we have many years in front of us to add children to our family through adoption, and that there is so much we can’t know – that God might intend for this potential child to be a special blessing to his or her siblings or to walk a path to do amazing things in the world.

In short, we were encouraged to go for it if that’s what we were feeling led to do. We did and quickly found ourselves pregnant with Atticus.

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This side of that pregnancy, with our little guy here with us now, I’m still not sure WHY. Why did God lead us in this direction? What does He have for us in parenting Atticus? What is the pathway He has laid out for our small son?

I don’t know. And yet I am thankful. I am so enjoying having little Atticus here – his smiles and coos and little laughs have already added so much joy to our household. And I trust that God is good and that He is at work in our little family.

I came across a poem the other day that begins:

“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
And he replied:
‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.'”

I’d like to live my life more and more in that manner…placing my hand into the Hand of God and walking forth into whatever may come with full trust in Him.

And I pray that He will continue to work in and through our little family, guiding us as He wills, and bringing us whatever adventures (and whatever children) He may!

February 18, 2015

You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby! Happy 2 Year Family Day, Madeleine CaiQun!

Posted in adoption, family, God, life, Madeleine CaiQun tagged , , , , , , , at 11:14 am by alison

Two years ago today, a tiny girl with a large love of shrimp chips was placed in our arms.

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Two years in, she has gained 10 pounds and 7.5 inches.

But more importantly, she is a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, and a niece, and she is oh so very loved.

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Of course, she lost a lot to get here. She lost her first country, her first language, and the culture into which she was born, and most significant of all, she lost her first family. Those losses are profound, and over these last two years, we’ve begun to have conversations about them. Particularly throughout my pregnancy with Atticus, thoughts and questions about her origins came to the surface. With a heavy heart, I had to respond, “We just don’t know,” to most of them and then give her space to wonder, speculate, and begin to grieve.

There is brokenness in this world, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the harsh realities facing children who find themselves separated from their parents. And yet there are snippets of hope. Children do not belong in orphanages but in families, and we are so blessed that Madeleine CaiQun has become a part of ours.

Over the past two years, we have seen God knit her into our family beautifully. This sister bond is one of the best things that has ever happened to both of our girls. 001

They are learning friendship, forgiveness, and fun every day that they spend together.

And Matt and I? We could not be more in love with our little girl.

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We still work hard at this family thing. The intensity of our focus on cultivating attachment has waned, but we will always be cognizant of our need to be aware, to be intentional, and to lean in toward our children and help them to lean back toward us. We are band-aid parents. We seek out opportunities for hugs and snuggles, and we prioritize eye contact. We know that hunger for food is not always, really, hunger for food. We discipline in ways that are not necessarily typical.

And we celebrate. We celebrate that we are a family. We celebrate that this amazing little girl is an integral part of it.

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We are oh so very blessed.

February 15, 2015

Two-And-A-Half Months with Our Little Guy!

Posted in Atticus Garrett, beauty, family, friendship, God, homemaking, homeschooling, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 5:29 pm by alison

Our little guy is now over 2 months old!

Atticus is an incredibly happy baby.

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He’s definitely growing well. At his two-month appointment with his pediatrician, he was in the 88th percentile for length and 73rd percentile for weight. He seems so big to me that I was actually surprised those numbers weren’t higher!

He’s also getting stronger all the time. He enjoys tummy time more now that he can hold his head up a lot better – and of course the girls are always eager to come hang out with him on his blanket.

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He truly enjoys his sisters. He’s a social little guy, so he doesn’t like being put down and left alone, but I often set him up in his bouncy seat and ask one of the girls to sit and talk to him while I get dinner going or switch the laundry or something of that nature. I’ll return to find them cooing and smiling at each other happily :)

He gets a ton of language exposure. I was actually worried that he wouldn’t pick up words as quickly as Miranda did, since I wouldn’t be able to give him as much direct one-on-one time, but now that I’ve seen what his life actually looks like, I realize how silly that concern was! Matt and I both still talk to him quite a bit, but the girls are also speaking to him constantly. On top of that, we read to the girls a lot, both for school and for fun, and he’s around for much of that and just soaks it in along with them.

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And – in response to the #1 question for parents of babies his age – he is sleeping very well :) He gives us good, long stretches of sleep at night, usually just waking to nurse 2-3 times each night. His naps are more variable, which is not ideal (from my perspective), but it’s very typical for a baby his age, and it’s not a real problem.

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All in all, I think things are going pretty well. We’re not back to our normal patterns from our life before his arrival, but we never will be. It feels like we’ve established at least the outline of what our new normal (for now) is, though. We’re able to do school, run errands, and take care of most of the everyday tasks of cooking and cleaning. And for the most part, Matt and I are both able to do the work we need to do and have quality time together. We’ve even been able to start spending a little bit of time with friends and having people over for dinner again.

There are hard things about this stage of life, though. I often feel like everything continues to run smoothly as long as I am working toward that end constantly – using any spare minutes to get a few more dishes into the dishwasher or start a load of laundry. There’s more to do, and everything just takes longer these days. I never know when I’m going to have a free 20 minutes to accomplish (or even start!) any task that needs to be done, and the unpredictability of it is hard for me. I’d so like to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight and be able to wear something from my closet other than yoga pants. It can be hard to connect with friends when we have 3 young kiddos. And I don’t feel like I get true breaks – since Atticus won’t take a bottle, the instant I finish feeding him, the clock starts ticking down toward the next time he’ll need me.

But the thing about adding a child to our family for the third time is that I know this time is fleeting. This stage won’t last forever – or even very long at all. Soon enough Atticus will begin eating solid food and no longer need me to be his sole source of sustenance – and then I’ll blink, and he’ll be done nursing entirely. His naps will become more regular – and then someday he’ll give them up completely. I think that this time around, I still feel the pressure of the challenges, but I can work with them. I set him up in the bouncy seat and talk to him while I do the dishes, and I grab a book to read while he sleeps in my arms. And I know that these particular challenges will pass, but in the meantime, there’s a heck of a lot of joy available.

I get to see my girls growing in their roles as helpers and nurturers. I get to see the pure joy of Atticus’s smiles and coos and laughter – and I get to be the one at whom he so often directs those beautiful gestures. I get to love and snuggle and read books and answer questions and teach facts and encourage kindness and pray for growth. I get to grow myself, learning more about patience and gentleness and kindness as I feel myself stretched.

These are good things. We’re thankful for them and thankful for the little guy whose arrival ushered us into this new stage of life.

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February 8, 2015

Christmas 2014

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace tagged , , , , at 10:46 pm by alison

Obviously this post is a rather late, but I did just have a baby recently, so I think it’s understandable that I have gotten a bit behind :)

We so enjoyed our Christmas, though, and I do want to share just a bit and post some photos here. Our celebrations started off with our Christmas party with our missional community group from church.

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We are super blessed to have these people in our lives…and even though I doubt he’s really aware of it yet, Atticus already has two built-in best friends in our group!

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We basically announced to our families when we told them we were pregnant that we were not going to be traveling for any holidays in 2014, and they were welcome to do whatever they wanted, but we’d be here for everything. We were so blessed that Matt’s sister and mom visited before and after Christmas, and my whole family came for Christmas itself.

The girls, of course, continue to love their uncles beyond measure. They enjoyed some rocket-ship construction with Uncle David…

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…reading books with Uncle Danny and Sharon…

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…snuggling with Uncle Danny and SharonIMG_1291…and doing puzzles with Uncle David (and me)!

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And of course, we can’t forget Sharon, who remains a favorite of both girls, for obvious reasons! Here she is helping them to frost cookies.

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And here she is painting their fingernails.

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And she also apparently gives piggy-back rides!

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Danny and Sharon actually brought their dog, Dixie, with them for this trip. I was a bit apprehensive at first about how things would go with 7 adults, 2 kids, a newborn, and a dog all in one house, but Dixie was the most well-behaved, pleasant dog I’ve ever met. The girls loved her, of course!

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She was a bit less enamored with them – she enjoyed having them along on her walks but otherwise generally hid in the guest room until they went to bed at night!

Not to be forgotten, Atticus enjoyed snuggling with every member of the family at some point during their time here :)

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The girls and my dad and I made our traditional Christmas cut-out cookies…

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…though some of us were distracted by the tastiness of the dough itself!

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We also looked into other activities that we could enjoy as a whole family, and we opted to give bowling a try.

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Thankfully it was a hit for everyone!

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And then we had the more traditionally Christmas-related activities – a Christmas Eve church service (to which the girls wore these adorable outfits that their Aunt Denya sent for them!)…

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…our Christmas dinner (of which I made none – thank you again, family!)…

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…and of course our Christmas tree and gifts to one another!

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My dad hadn’t upgraded his phone in quite some time, so we got him an iPhone for Christmas. It’s a good thing he had Madeleine CaiQun to show him how to operate it! “This is how you plug it in. Then it needs to be brighter. Here. This is the weather – it tells you if you need to wear a jacket or not…”

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And then we were blessed to have a warm enough day for the girls to try out the plasma cars that my mom got for them! It took a bit of time for them to figure it out, but they were loving this!

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It was such a great Christmas and so much good time with so many people who are so special to us!

February 4, 2015

New Routines?

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, God, homemaking, life, money tagged , , , , , , at 4:46 pm by alison

For the past two days, I’ve gotten up at 6:30 in the morning. That may not seem significant to you, but we are night owls, and for the past 5+ years, Matt and I have generally stuck to a schedule of going to bed around midnight (or later) and getting up between 8:00 and 8:30, so pushing that back to a 6:30 wake up is a change for me!

I haven’t written about it much here, but I actually work (very) part time from home, and this week I started back to work with the goal of trying to do just 5-7 hours per week for this semester. Before Atticus’s arrival, I’d worked during the girls’ rest time in the afternoons, but now that he has joined our family and is still too little to really have a regular schedule, I knew that wasn’t always going to work. Matt and I talked about it, and we decided to try my working for an hour each night after the girls went to bed, and Matt would keep Atticus with him for that time. It was a great idea in theory, but we tried it Monday night and realized that the reality was going to be a different story. Evenings are Atticus’s fussiest time, and while Matt loves our little guy, the prospect of having his quality time with him be focused so heavily during the “witching hour” was not appealing. Plus, with Atticus continuing to refuse bottles, Matt is at a significant disadvantage as a caretaker and comforter due to his lack of breasts!

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Our rough experience on Monday night prompted me to propose that I try getting up early to get in my work time, and I set my alarm for 6:30 the next morning (and, somewhat surprisingly, actually got out of bed when it went off). Atticus has woken up hungry both yesterday and today during my work time, but even with taking a break to feed him, I’ve been able to eat breakfast, spend a little time reading my Bible and praying, and get in an hour of work each morning before 8:30.

Honestly, I kind of like it. Even though everyone else is maintaining their same sleep schedule, it has felt like our days have gotten off to better starts. I’ve accomplished more and am more ready to go by the time everyone else gets up, and our mornings as a whole have gone better, too.

The downside is pretty obvious, though. I am TIRED. I contemplated napping this afternoon if I could line up one of Atticus’s naps with the girls’ rest time, but alas, it didn’t work out that way.

That does seem like a small price to pay, though, for our whole family’s days to go better. There have been numerous times during the last couple months that I’ve thought of Paul describing his life as “being poured out as a drink offering” (Philippians 2:17 and 2 Timothy 4:6). Not that I’m really comparing my life to Paul’s – he endured heavy persecution, while I get to spend my days loving my favorite little kiddos. But the reality is still that the life of a mom is a life of dying to self – those precious babies remind you 24/7 that your life is no longer simply your own. Perhaps these early wake-up calls are simply the latest manifestation of that. But it is hard to get up…particularly since evenings after the girls are in bed are the times Matt and I use to catch up, and it’s so hard for me to cut those off to go to bed early.

We’ll see if we can still find time to connect and if I can maintain the self-discipline to get up that early and get my work done before the rest of the family gets up.

And I welcome any other suggestions anyone may have for getting in quality marriage time but also having a consistent time to study the Bible study and get work or other chores done while also still caring for little kiddos!

February 3, 2015

Matt Went Away for 4 Days, and We Survived!

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, homeschooling, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace tagged , , , , at 3:38 pm by alison

I had been dreading last week ever since I found out that Matt would need to be traveling to the Baltimore and Washington DC area in connection with a show he was curating out there. He doesn’t travel much, and I never particularly enjoy him being gone, but it felt particularly intense for him to be gone right now, with Atticus still so little.

He had to be there for a couple days, but then he also asked if it would be alright for him to stay for an extra day or two to take advantage of the myriad of museums out there, and I agreed – it would be so sad for him to be so close but unable to enjoy all of the great art and culture in the area, plus my dad and brother live out there, so he’d be able to spend a bit of time with them. I knew it was a great opportunity for him, but still – I was dreading it.

But we survived! We did school…

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…sometimes in fairy wings :)

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Along with some friends from church, we took a tour of a local fire station!

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My friend Rebecca joined us there and at our house for a couple days, which was such a blessing.

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She held Atticus, engaged with the girls, did dishes, provided adult conversation for me, and was just generally helpful and encouraging. One of the biggest challenges for me when Matt goes out of town is just feeling alone, and it was so nice to have Rebecca there with me!

And my friend Liz came over with her two little boys one morning to play and hang out and chat.

And then my mom came for the weekend, which was so, so nice!

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We’re all always thrilled when Grandma comes for a visit :)

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I didn’t get tons of quality time with her – evenings were more like, “Okay, the girls are in bed and I’ve fed Atticus; can you keep him so I can take a shower?” than, “Let’s sit down and enjoy our ice cream and have leisurely conversations.” But still, it was good to see her :)

And pretty much before we knew it, Matt was home! Phew!

There were a few rough patches. Dinner was pretty late on the one evening we didn’t have anyone here with us. I didn’t get as much sleep as usual – Atticus is usually a great night-time sleeper, but he had a couple nights that were rougher than normal, but even those weren’t too bad. There were times I struggled to be patient and kind while feeling pretty worn out. But ultimately, we survived! I know there are parents in military families and single moms who do this all day every day, and to them, I tip my hat – because as a mom of 3 kiddos under 5, one of whom is just barely 2 months old, just making it through 4 days of life without my husband (and with lots of help) felt like quite a triumph!

January 20, 2015

Visits from Family

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace tagged , , , , at 11:28 pm by alison

Most often when people ask how we are adjusting to life as a family of five, my thoughts jump immediately to my “to do” lists and how well I’m keeping up with them – and as an afterthought I consider our hearts, how we are loving each other and taking care of ourselves. Really we’re doing pretty well on both fronts, but I definitely need continual reminders to address the latter. And so today, as the girls are upstairs enjoying their rest time and Atticus is sleeping beside me (because this boy is a snugglebug – why sleep in a bassinet when you could have full body contact with your mama?), I open this page to write. Writing, even if not profound, reminds me that I still have a self that is distinct from care-giver-for-the-littles – while that occupies most of my time and I truly believe that it is my calling and I love it, it does not make up the entirety of me. I enjoy these few moments I can grab from time to time to write…and writing also reminds me of what we have celebrated and for what we are thankful.

One of the things for which I am thankful that I haven’t yet shared here is our December visits from our NY family. Matt’s younger sister Stacey flew out for a long weekend about a week and a half after Atticus was born, and Matt’s mom joined us for a few days after Christmas.

They, of course, were quite willing to spend some time holding our little guy :)

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And that truly is helpful! With 2 other kiddos for whom to care and a household to run, I certainly didn’t mind other people spending some time snuggling with and getting to know the newest member of our family!

The girls also got in some great quality time with both their aunt and their grandma, which was a blessing for them and also for Matt and me. Since they live over 1,000 miles away, we don’t get to see our NY family very often. We still want our kiddos to have good relationships with them, though, so it really was wonderful to have some of them here and spending so much time with our kids.

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And of course it was great for Matt and me to get to see his mom and sister, too! We so appreciate the fact that we can keep up with far-away family through Facebook and phone calls and texts, but there’s so much ground you can cover in a few days together that the sporadic long-distance interactions don’t provide. It was so nice to have some time to get more caught up on each other’s lives! And we hope to make it out to New York this summer to have the opportunity to re-connect with the entire New York side of the family and introduce Atticus to them!

January 18, 2015

Life Right Now – Some Miscellany

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, friendship, God, homemaking, homeschooling, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace at 9:31 pm by alison

Around here, it feels like we’re hitting new developments each and every week. It wasn’t that long ago that I wrote last, but our little guy has already grown and changed so much. We have another pediatrician appointment in a couple weeks, and I can’t wait to see how big he is – because it seems like he is WAY bigger than he was just a few short weeks ago! He has started smiling and cooing, which is glorious :)

We’ve also been doing tummy time, which isn’t Atticus’s favorite activity, but he tolerates it.

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Sleep is going pretty well. He definitely knows the difference between night and day, and while he wakes several times each night to nurse, he goes right back to sleep once his little belly is full, so we’re all sleeping pretty well. The routine-lover in me is looking forward to the days when his napping schedule is more predictable, but I’m trying not to wish away these sweet little baby days either :)

Both of our big girls are investing heavily in his language development. Miranda has been trying to teach him to say “hi” and was elated one day when one of his coos sounded close (in her estimation) to the word, and both girls love to read to him.

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(Ignore the fact that this photo is of our bathroom. With 3 kids under 5, I take what I can get!)

Speaking of our big girls, one recent development is that they are each cultivating their own styles and preferences in terms of clothing, each of which is pretty unique. Miranda wears summer clothes every day – shorts and short-sleeve shirts – but will deign to put leggings on under her shorts if we’re needing to leave the house. And Madeleine CaiQun’s desire is to wear pajamas 24/7, preferably warm footie pajamas. I’m amused by all of it :)

Matt and I have been watching through Twin Peaks the last couple weeks, and it is CREEPY. Wow.

It’s still difficult to get things done around the house – we’re eating primarily freezer meals, which has been so helpful, and while I’m generally able to stay on top of laundry, Matt has been helping out quite a bit with dishes and other random tasks, and I’m trying to engage the girls more in staying on top of cleaning up toys and other areas in which they can (and should) take some responsibility. It’s hard for me not to be back to “normal,” but every week I feel more able to do things with all 3 kiddos. I’m trying to set manageable goals and use my time well, taking advantage of every spare minute, and staying on top of as much as possible. This past week I took all 3 shopping at both the Asian grocery store and Aldi and took everyone to gymnastics (which the girls continue to love), and those felt like major accomplishments!

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We also did school every day this week. It’s definitely helpful for the girls to keep up with our structure and to have some attention from me – plus we enjoy what we’re doing with school right now – so we all appreciate being able to stick with the school routine.

While it seems like half the people we know here are either pregnant or have just had a baby, meaning there are tons of babies close in age to Atticus, we don’t know a lot of families around here with kiddos who are of similar ages as our girls, and we know even fewer home-schooling families. That has been somewhat sad to me – I’d love to have others with whom to connect and from whom to learn. But I had a great, encouraging conversation with one of my good friends from Chicagoland last night, herself a veteran home-schooling mom who hasn’t always been surrounded by other moms in similar places, either. She reminded me that Matt and I are really in this home-schooling thing together and can be an encouragement and support to each other. And I do have good friendships with other women from our church, and ultimately those bonds are based on our being daughters of the King, not the ages of our kids or our schooling choices, and we can all point each other toward Him, regardless of our stages of life. I’m so thankful to have these older women with whom I spent so much time in Chicagoland and who still offer so much encouragement and perspective when I need it!

Less encouraging, we tried giving Atticus a bottle, and he was entirely unimpressed.

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We need to try again soon. These baby days will go by quickly, and I definitely want to treasure them – but I’d also love for it not to be a huge deal for me to be away from our little guy for more than a few minutes at a time for the entirety of the next year! So far it hasn’t been an issue at all, though, and I love being able to keep him close.

Really I’m enjoying my time with all of our sweet kiddos and with Matt. It has been so nice to have him home more during these past few weeks. The last couple days we’ve had great weather, too, so we’ve all been able to get out and take some walks together…

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and let the girls ride on their plasma cars.

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Life still feels somewhat crazy as we continue to settle into the realities of being a family of five, but overall I think things are going pretty well!

January 2, 2015

Happy New Year!

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, God, life, Madeleine CaiQun, Miranda Grace at 4:55 pm by alison

It’s the first day of 2015 (or at least it was yesterday, when I started writing this post…), and of course that brings with it a time for reflection and for looking ahead – and, if you’re a part of our family, a day spent wearing pajamas and relaxing :)

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As Matt and I were reflecting on this past year, we were noting all of the significant milestones and changes that had occurred. In February, we hit the one year mark of Madeleine CaiQun being part of our family. Soon after that, we decided that while we didn’t think we were in a place to adopt another toddler yet, we’d be open to adding child #3 to our family biologically, and at the end of March, we found out we were expecting our next baby. I spent the next 16 weeks or so feeling relatively miserable and trying to care for the girls through that as Matt wrapped up his semester. Then he had the opportunity to be part of the Wakonse Conference on College Teaching at the end of May. He spent most of his summer developing the course for Mizzou’s first online class offering of Drawing 1, which meant that we traveled less last summer than ever before – no trips to Wisconsin or to New York to visit family. This summer, the girls started gymnastics – their first “extra-curricular activity” – and we found out that Matt was awarded a promotion to his next rank as a faculty member. Fall semester started at the end of August and was Matt’s busiest teaching semester yet. In the midst of that, in addition to setting up our baby furniture and freezing meals and preparing specifically for Atticus’s arrival, we also undertook some significant home improvement projects, scraping the wallpaper off of our dining room walls and repainting that room and then painting our living room and ultimately building and installing built-in bookshelves along one wall. And then, of course, at the end of November, there was the arrival of our little guy. All in all, I’d say 2014 was a significant year for our family!

Even with all of that going on, though, the year generally felt relatively peaceful. Matt and I were talking this morning about why we thought that was. Some of it was clearly due to external factors, but in addition to that, we really pared down our commitments outside of our family. We also had more appropriate expectations about parenting and what all it would entail. And of course, there is the fact that up until the end of the year, we had the same 2 kids with which we started the year, and they were at pretty fun ages.

I’m a little more apprehensive as we look toward 2015. We are loving life as a family of five, but it definitely has its challenges. Chief among them is that we now have a baby who is pretty easygoing but obviously still needs fairly constant care just to meet his physical needs – feeding him, changing diapers, and helping him get to sleep – as well as two small children who are self-sufficient in a few areas but still require help to meet many of their basic physical needs throughout the day and are also high needs emotionally. Even though they play together fairly well, I still need to be the referee of their disputes, and when they get sad and frustrated throughout the day I need to help them talk through various situations, and I often need to help them obey when they would rather do something other than what I’ve asked them to do. It feels like it would be pretty simple to care for either the baby or the pre-schoolers, but the combination of all of them is challenging! And while I think we’ve laid a good foundation in all of our relationships over these last few years, we’re all still adjusting to our new family configuration and feeling out what our roles are in that context. The girls are testing limits, and Matt and I are finding that it is so much easier to give in to frustration and respond emotionally instead of maintaining an atmosphere of kindness and respect when we’re worn out and the girls are behaving inappropriately in some way and we’re trying to care for Atticus all at the same time.

Beyond parenting, it’s difficult to accomplish much of anything these days. Case in point: I’ve been working on this blog post for over 24 hours in no less than 6 sittings, and I’m only now getting it published. And apart from the help we’ve had from family members who have been in town during this last month or so, I doubt much cooking or cleaning would have been done. Now that we’re on our own again, those meals I worked so hard to prepare ahead of time and freeze are definitely a blessing. I am keenly aware, though, that we have only slightly more than 2 weeks until Matt goes back to work, and he has some travel coming up this semester, as well. And I’ll need to get back into taking care of the cooking and cleaning and other household tasks, plus return to at least a few hours of work each week myself fairly soon. Obviously we don’t need to be ready to tackle all of those things right at this moment, but thinking about adding all of them back in feels a bit overwhelming!

As I think about my goals for 2015, I think I need to keep things very simple. I’d like to keep our family and our household running somewhat smoothly. Beyond that, I really want to focus on what is most important – not the household tasks, but my people. I want to love big. Even with a new baby in the house, I want to maintain the closeness in Matt’s and my marriage that we were experiencing last year – and that will be hard. I want to parent my girls well even when I am frustrated with their behavior. I want to continue to be pro-active in doing fun things with them, whether that looks like a day at the zoo or reading their favorite books over and over again or doing puzzles with them or helping them to make bead necklaces.

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And obviously I want to care for Atticus well, and I’d like to maintain the relationships I have with family and close friends, and I’d like occasionally to have time to have some thoughts of my own. All of this seems simple, but I think it will be pretty all-encompassing for me. In fact, I am entirely certain that I will not be able to do it all just in my own power. I’ve really been lax in maintaining my own Bible reading and prayer times recently, and I want to get back into that. I want to know God better, and I know that as I grow in that area, I will also be encouraged and be so much better able to love and care for my family well. I read an article recently about reading through entire books of the Bible at a time and was encouraged by that. Oddly enough, one of the most fruitful times in my life spiritually was when I was reading through and studying large portions of the Bible in that way for a Bible as Literature course at Northwestern that was taught from a pretty agnostic perspective. This morning I got started by reading through 1 John and hope to continue focusing on that book through January and see how it goes! I think we’ll just have to see how a lot of things go this year.

Here’s to hoping that 2015 is an amazing year, both for our family and yours :)

December 7, 2014

A Week (and a Day)

Posted in Atticus Garrett, family, homeschooling, life tagged , , , at 10:37 pm by alison

Our little Atticus is 8 days old today, and what a sweet 8 days they have been!

We spent 2 nights in the hospital after he was born, and by Monday morning we were so ready to come home and continue to snuggle our little guy in the comforts of our own home and be all together as a family.

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We continue to think Atticus is one of the most adorable, precious little babies ever – along with his sisters, of course :)

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We’re getting to know him more and more each day. He has these awesome facial expressions that make us wonder if he is going to grow up into the inquisitive, observant, and thoughtful person that he seems to be.

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We’re learning more about all of his likes and dislikes, as well. Current loves are snuggling, nursing, and watching his sisters :)

He is really a pretty laid back baby, which is fortunate, because he is a third child, and the world cannot revolve around him even if we wanted to make it so! Now that we’re third-time parents, though, I think we’re also more laid back. We’ve been there, done that, and so we don’t get nervous about things like snorty breathing, nursing in public, or his routines being disrupted when we leave the house.

Little Atticus and I have been able to work together to get into a good groove with nursing. We saw his pediatrician on Wednesday, and he had already surpassed his birth weight, so we were thrilled! I’ve started burping him more frequently, which has successfully decreased the frequency of his “spit-upping,” as the girls call it. And I get to enjoy this view multiple times throughout each day :)

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What a little sweetie! And look at those ears! Matt and I think they look like elf ears and very much hope they retain their shape into the future :)

Sleep is also going much, much better than it did for our first few nights, and we are all so relieved. I spent 4 or 5 nights with no more than 4 hours of sleep a night (sometimes considerably less), and Matt wasn’t faring much better. I was starting to feel like a zombie. The last few nights have been so, so, so much better, though, and while we’re still tired, we’re able to function reasonably well and enjoy our days.

We even made it to church this morning, our first outing as a family of five! It was nice to get out of the house and introduce our little guy to some of our church family and worship together and participate in the celebration of Advent.

As well as the past week has gone, this upcoming week might be more of a challenge. Last week we were fortunate that Matt was able to spend more time than usual at home with us, and my mom was also able to be here until Saturday morning.

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This week one of Matt’s sisters will be here for a few days, but the kiddos and I will also have a few days on our own, and, to be honest, I’m a little nervous about it. The girls really do love baby Atticus a lot…

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…but they’re also still very young, and their routines and their lives have just been dramatically altered. They’re more on edge than normal, and I obviously have more going on now that I am also taking care of a baby, and my post-partum hormones have kicked in. That combination could make for some hard days.

Some friends have offered to help out with the girls, but I think it might really be best for them to try to return to as much normalcy as possible. I actually think I may try to do some school with them this week. I’d thought that we would probably take all of December off from school work, but I think the structure and routines of school might be really helpful for them. My primary hope is that I can be patient and kind with them through the days, regardless of how well or how crazily they might behave. I’m sure we’ll survive the week, but I’d like to do better than that and actually parent all 3 of my kiddos well! As I’ve been reminding them all week, they are each so precious to me!

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